The past few weeks have been difficult to say the least. I feel like maybe I need some self reflection, but I'm not sure how to go about that without getting discouraged and feeling like I'm unable to change. I seem to be having a hard time making/keeping friends. I'm lonely. I haven't felt this lonely for awhile and it's starting to get to me. I have a few select people that I can call up and talk to and a few that I actually hang out, but I seem to be running into the same problem. I find that the guys who I'm hanging out with me end up liking me and want more and to be honest, I haven't been interested in anyone else since I met Jason. He's been a big part of my life even though he's not here and the distance sucks and I've questioned it many times, but this past week or so he's been there for me like no other. For that, I'm grateful. Last night was especially rough. I've been hanging out with this guy Mike that works in the meat department at Publix and he basically said that he didn't want me to come over if we couldn't have sex. Really? I didn't realize you were such a dick or I wouldn't have wasted 2 months of my life on trying to be friends with you. I don't understand why I've had this radar of asshole dudes. Trey came over though and I felt a lot better. I'm having the same problem with Chris. I don't know if yall remember, but he was the guy from back in like May-ish that I went out with a few times. We've been kinda hangin out since then as strictly friends, but his feelings for me have just deepened. It's starting to get uncomfortable. When the three of us hang out (Trey, Chris and I) I can see the jealousy of Trey coming from Chris. I feel like just digging myself into a hole. Becoming a recluse. I'm tired of trying and epically failing.

On a more positive note, school is going well. I really don't know what I've written about in the past, but I'm taking 4 classes. Three of them are on campus, the other is an online class. Discipline has certainly been my worst enemy (as usual), but I'm doing well. Lots of A's and B's. I don't really like B's, but I can live with them. It's still above average, right? That's somewhat acceptable to me. Just gotta work harder. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and I don't feel like I can handle it, but I just try to pick myself up and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I dream that my life can be the song "At Last". Just thought I'd share that. Maybe I'll get dressed and go see Mr. Bill at the Ice Cream Stop. He always makes me feel better. Have a good day DE.