Of course, it gets worse.

Murph decided today to come out to Jason and Andy and Lindsay. I guess Lindsay took it well, but probably changed her mind when she heard how Jason reacted... Jason and Andy deleted Murph from their facebook friends. For being gay. Yes.

I was so mad. I mean, really!? What a hard decision for Murph to come out. I can't even begin to imagine how scary that was, and to have your two best friends treat you like that... It's so... That's beyond betrayal. I can't even put into words...

And poor Murph always assumes the best. He can't fathom that Jason and Andy speak ill of him. So he's honestly like, "Oh, Jason said he deleted me for personal reasons that he didn't care to discuss, but that I shouldn't take it personal." OF COURSE YOU SHOULD TAKE IT PERSONAL!!!!!!

So I got mad and texted Andy, and I was like, "Seriously, I don't care that you're a dick to me. I really don't. But what you just did to Murph is pathetic. It took a lot of strength for him to come out to you two, and you ditched him. That's low. Any little thread of respect I may have had for you is gone."

Of course Andy didn't answer. And I only had their numbers because somehow, every number I ever stored was hiding out on my SIM card, and when I got my new phone, every number I ever had was added to my phonebook. This includes Jason and Andy.

So when I saw, 8 hours later, that I had Jason's number, I forwarded the same message to him, which it's not 100% how I feel for him, since I never respected him, but he also wasn't worth writing something new for.

And since Jason can't resist conflict, and most likely can't live without it, he answered back.

Basically... Yeah. Fuck them all. So Jason went off on how he lost all his respect for me when he found out I was dating Andy. As if that's a respect thing anyways. But I was like, "Really? And you kept it for Andy? Cute."

His honest-to-god reply: "No, he knows I don't have any for him either." Yes. His "best friend," and he has no respect for him. That sounds healthy.

I don't know what the hell kind of hold Jason has over Andy, but Jesus. If he's willing to admit that he has to respect for you to your enemy or whatever, why would you possibly want to be his friend?! I don't think highly of Andy at all, but I thought he was smarter than that.

Seriously, Jason is a terrible influence on Andy, and he's going to lead Andy straight into the gutter. And I guess if Andy doesn't care, then I don't feel at all bad for him.

So then their method of paying me back, I guess, was to call Murph and yell at him for what I said. Which is stupid, but mildly effective. Murph was initially mad at me for making things worse, but then I kept pointing out that they were not his friends and they never were, and I guess through it all, eventually, the truth came out, and Jason and Andy told Murph that they don't like him and never did and that they always talked about him behind his back.

Long story short... While Murph is in a lot of pain, emotionally, he's finally free of them. I feel bad, because I know how much that can hurt. I mean, well... I'm usually suspicious, so I've never been hurt like that, but I know it hurts to know that people are talking about you behind your back. It's never a good feeling. And for someone as fragile as Murph, and after having just come out... that's got to be devastating. But at least he knows the truth now, and he can work on moving on.

It did cause me to make a couple last few (and admittedly this is immature of me) texts to both Andy and Jason admonishing them for what they've done. Now all they have to do is tell Lindsay they talk about her (which I've also heard about), and they'll only have each other.

I'm starting to think, about the night I ended up telling Jason about us, how he thought I was going to say that he and Andy were gay lovers... I don't know. I know the whole issue was over me, and how Jason liked me, and Andy took him, but... really? I don't know...

And... Jason's going to ruin Andy. I know I'm giving him a lot of credit, but he used to be such a nice guy... Even before we dated... He was friendly, and he really did care what everyone thought of him, and he really did want everyone to like him... But with Jason's influence, and I really don't think I'm exaggerating here... He's suddenly become Jason's bitch. I mean, if Andy knows Jason has no respect for him, why would you possibly want to be his friend still. It makes me so angry!

I don't know. I can't sleep. And I guess, as bad as it is... Now that I have Andy's number... I wish there was some way to make him understand. But then, what if he did? It's not like I would want him back. Not after what he did.

I'm so angry I can't sleep. I just keep thinking about what a terrible thing they did. I want to say things to them to make them cry. If I could hurt them, I would. For hurting me, and for hurting Murph.

Because honestly, because I never did work through my issues with Andy, my problem of not dealing with it until five months later... it's like... I was just working out my feelings. I was finally allowing myself to get angry and cry... I almost cried driving home from work the other night, and I cried in my room a few times, something I hadn't done yet. I was working on it. I let it go for five fucking months, but with Murph, I was getting upset about it, and therefore letting it heal... But now it's like... I don't even know how to explain it. Because it feels like it's fresh. While I made it FIVE MONTHS without worrying about it, suddenly, it feels like we just broke up last week.

So add to that the heartlessness of what he did to Murph, which proves that if he'll turn his back on someone the day they come out, and yell at him for talking to me, what chance do I have of walking away from this unscathed? They have no problem hurting me. It just makes me want to... make them cry. It makes me want to make sure Jason knows that our relationship was Andy's idea, and that keeping it a secret was always Andy's idea. They are two of some of the worst friends, and they're just as bad to each other. I hope they both know that. I want them to go to sleep not knowing if they can trust the other as a friend.

This week has been a lot of angry for me, and I need it to go away.

Between my manager at work (I'll get into that some other day), Robby, and now this... I'm so angry at everything. It's like... I haven't felt this constantly mad in a long time. Like, Work sucks, my friend took advantage of my hospitality, and now the last boy that I really truly liked, a boy that I still held out hope would come around when he moved down here and we could try again... He cast his friend out, told him that he and their group never liked him, and is already moving on with his life.

It bothers me that I once cared so much about someone so cruel. I mean, I've had bad break ups, and I've dated crummy people, but even Adam Boyd looks kind and giving compared to Andy now... And I never thought I would think lower of anyone and their treatment of another person than Adam Boyd... Even Adam thought he was trying to do the right thing... He thought he loved me and he wanted to make it work, he just hurt everyone and himself in the process... Andy and Jason, they have a relationship based on being mean to everyone they meet. Why would you be okay with that.

Way back when I told them that if they didn't like the Murph they should just suck it up and tell him, and stop hanging out with him, because it's mean to bring him along just to make fun of him. They knew they were being mean, they just chose not to stop. They didn't care who they hurt.

This is devastating to me. I'm so at a loss.