Josh drove up to see me for New Years, which kind of freaked me out. It meant that he spent the whole evening alone at Epcot while I was at work (getting groped by Brazilians). And, as I've become increasingly decided that we're not meant to be, apparently he was thinking the opposite. And I can't deal with that. Not anymore. I'm over being nice to people just because they have a crush on me. I can't handle it. And he's so awkward. He's a very strange guy.

Anyways, he kept asking me where I thought "we" were going. Which is silly because tonight is the 4th time we've ever hung out. I've definitely decided that I can't jump into relationships anymore. Those never end well. I need to get to know people first. But from his side, it feels like, instead of "Let's get to know each other, I think you're interesting," it's like, "You are going to be my next girlfriend, so get used to it." And some of his mannerisms I just can't get used to.

And he kept asking me, and I tried a non committal "Well, I think I'm going to be moving back to Washington soon, I don't think Florida is the place for me." Which is true. If I could do my job somewhere else, I would. I'm so not into Florida anymore.

But he kept pushing it, and eventually I made it clear enough that he's coming on too strong and it's freaking me out.

I feel bad. I've never really let a guy down like that. But honestly, we've known each other for about a month, and seen each other FOUR TIMES... we did not have a relationship going. Yes, it was freaking me out, and making me defensive. I felt bad, because I was very angry all night, which is not how I wanted to spend my New Years, nor how I felt he should have to spend his. But he's just too much in so many ways. It put me on edge.

The way he moves... it, I don't know, embarrasses me. Like, he's trying too hard. Like he's trying to be smooth but ends up looking... odd.

Getting to know him was hard.

Ugh, it was just a frustrating night. I'm determined to make the rest of the year better!