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by of course not
( 16, Female )

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Being ignored <<<
01-29-13 02:01 AM

No one likes being ignored.

Not a bit.

Especially me. Why? Because I don't like talking to people. Or talking in general. However that's a fact many of my 'friends' would deny because during school all I do is yap, yap, yap, yap, yap... And yeah. But I can't help it. It's something's that I need to let out.

I can't exactly tell them my problems since they probably won't give a crap about that. Who would want to listen to my problems?

So I just yap about bullshit that I'm pretty sure they wouldn't understand.

Anyways, I have a friend. Let's call her a him despite the fact that you guys already know the original gender. So his name will be addressed as Bob.

So my friend Bob came up to me a while back. We met a few months ago and he had given me a letter during class. The contents of this letter talked about how he wanted to be my best friend and how he was bullied and what he had to go through during his childhood. I had, at first, thought that it was a joke, and I told him this a few days later, but it wasn't. So, I said yes. We can be best friends since he was apparently losing his old friends.

However, now that I look at it, he's gaining those friends back so I don't understand how it works.

They say high school is where you figure out who your true friends are and so far, I'm pretty sure I have absolutely zero true friends. Why? Well one of my friends, Melody, I suggest is my closest friend. But she's not that true. I've known her for a long time out of everyone. She's practically family- actually she is family. Anywho, so she's my closest friend but she doesn't know much about me. She doesn't really give as much crap as she should as a best friend and I just... I don't know.

I need a friend that gives a crap.

My supposed best friend goes to a different school. We'll refer to this friend as Gerald. So Gerald goes to another school, a private school and we're supposed to be best friends but we hardly talk. He doesn't even know about how I still have a crush on Patrick. He doesn't know how I'm going through an adoption. He doesn't know that my biological dad is trying to contact me. He doesn't know any of this.

So I really have no one.

And proof?

They didn't know my birthday. YEARS together and they don't know. I memorize theirs because they're my friends but it seems like I'm not that special. Maybe Carla was right when she called a follower. Actually I don't doubt that fact. I definitely am a follower. I can't survive a social life without these people no matter how left out I feel or how irrelevant I feel.

My phone isn't really for anything because its rare for people to text me or even think about me. I bet that I'd be the last thing on my friends mind during a celebration. I bet that I wouldn't even be in their mind.

I'm not important like that.

I mean what's so special about me?

I'm a nerd who isn't exactly a nerd. I like to hurt people. I'm insecure as fuck and I don't give compliments because I can't take compliments. I speak bullshit that I can't even understand myself.

Twitter? Why do I even try? No one there really cares whether or not I'm bored. They won't speak to me and actually HOLD a conversation with me. Instagram, my God! I'm not pretty for all those likes and followers. Facebook, the only reason I get notifications is because my family wants to get to know me. And that's probably cause my mom suggested it.

That's why sometimes I just want to disappear. I want to move schools without telling anyone. I wanna move houses without telling anyone. I just want to find someplace where I don't have to hide my opinions. Where I can speak all the fucking shit that is bundled in me.

Do you know how much tears are finally being let out now that this is somewhere? It's a relief because I don't have anyone. No one.

Current Mood: Tired Tired

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